Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
