I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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