Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize