yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
