I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Small penises have feelings too.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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