i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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