It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
