Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
don't judge my taste in strippers
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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