I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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