So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
