Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
