everyone is single if you try hard enough
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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