K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
