You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
God, I missed his penis.
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