I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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