what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
