i need an iv and a liver transplant
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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