So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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