We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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