i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
