Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
