Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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