The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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