So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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