Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's shark week go big or go home
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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