Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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