just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
