did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
