Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
