I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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