can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
