Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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