Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
