I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
