sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's blow job season.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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