I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
