genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
