did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
