I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
