put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
