I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
