I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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