Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
