Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
