I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
