i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
