he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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