I am spending my child support on dildos
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
