My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
