I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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