you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
