Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
