this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
