Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
