is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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