I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize