why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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