Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
