he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
