woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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