the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
