A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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