I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
