How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
