when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
