hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
