fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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