Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
