isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize