I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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