if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
