Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
