His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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