Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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